He Did It!

He did it!! He made it thru his treatments. A whole 6 weeks of radiation, and 4 weeks of chemo! As most of you know, by keeping up with my updates, it has been a rough 6 weeks...or at least 4 of them have been. There were a few times where he was ready to give up and just say no to it all, but with a little pushing and shoving....we got him thru it. Yesterday was the final Radiation treatment.....so now its time for the healing to begin!!

We still won't know if any of this did any good, for about another 3 months when they have him go in for a scan to check it out.....but for now its time to try to get back to the norm. He's still in a lot of pain, with his mouth and throat, but now that the treatments are done, hopefully it will get better. Its a horrible way to do it....but he's lost 70lbs, which definatley doesn't hurt. His face has healed pretty good, still no hair, but it will come back. He feels weak, and tired...but wouldn't we all if we hadn't eaten in 5 weeks? He is gradually drinking more and more fluids everyday, so as long as he keeps up the good work with that, it will help.

We all took this one day at a time.....just like dad said we would do. And as we wait and find out how the treatments helped...or not helped...we will continue to take it one day at a time, because thats all we can do. I thank you all for the support and the prayers. God has definatley been watching out for us and keeping us all strong!

Its almost over....

This past week was a big week, I was meaning to write an update sooner, but I was having issues with facebook. Earlier in the week was tough. Between the medications and lack of sleep, he was being quite delirous. It was really sad, and funny at the same time. After he took a trip out of the house on his own at 3 in the morning, I had to take the night shift and stay up to make sure I kept an eye on him so he didn't do anything like that again. That part was a lil bit scary.

On tuesday we saw the doctor, he decided to stop the Chemo therapy. He said that it has pushed him to the edge, and he didn't want it to push him over the edge. So since the chemo was what made the symptoms of raditation much worse, we were happy with that. The doc said that he was pleased with how many treatments of chemo that he actually was able to handle, he said most his patients don't usually handle that many. Also, the IV fluids that he was giving him DAILY the week before was helping. His lab work showed that his kidneys were functioning good, and that he was no longer dehydrated. So they cut that down to every other day, and less fluids. The only prob with that is that dad is supposed to drink at least a liter of fluid on his own, but that hasn't been happening. His mouth is still "on fire" and burns like crazy. There was one day where he was in so much pain he was refusing to go to treatment, we had to push him to go, and called the doc to ask what he can do, so they changed his pain meds around a little bit and that has helped tremendously!

On Thanksgiving day we didn't get to do the traditional thing. But just being together as a family was good enough. My sisters both came up there with us, and we took a drive to the coast. I figured since he couldn't have food, which he absolutley loves, then we could go to the second thing that he absolutley loves, the ocean. So that was a nice day, got him out of the apartment with no appointments or anything, we had a good time.

On Friday after his treatment, we came home for the weekend. On the way home we FINALLY found something that doesn't hurt him to drink. SWEET TEA from McD's. ha ha. I know it has a ton of sugar, but hey right now he isn't eating ANYTHING nor drinking anything, so as long as he can drink that, we are ok with it. On Saturday, we all went over to my Aunt's for a family Thanksgiving dinner. It kinda sucked cuz we all ate, and he didn't. It just hurts his mouth so much for any type of food to go in it. But at least he got to go over there and hang with the fam.

Today we are gettin ready to go back over to Palo Alto and start the LAST week of treatments! Well...technically this week, plus 1 day. He will have his last radiation treatment next monday. This weekend it seems like he has been doing great. His face is clearing up and looking ever so pretty! ha ha. It really is. All of you would be so shocked tho to see him WITHOUT A BEARD OR MUSTACHE! i have a bunch of pics...and later maybe he'll approve them to go on here, so you all can see. ha ha. The week before last he actually started experiencing the hair loss from the treatment, so this past week he decided to help it all out and just get rid of the facial hair.

I think this week is going to be a good week. Knowing that its the last week, plus he has been feel soooo much better. He has been sleeping well, and the pain meds are working like they should be. So please continue with the prayers! We love you all and thank you so much for all the support!

Its getting harder...

As our Tuesday is coming to an end...and Wednesday is approaching...this is the most recent status.

I drove up here today to spend the rest of the week with the parentals. The new plan that the doc gave him today is to continue Chemo along with the radiation for at least another week. And next tuesday he will decide if the Chemo will be continued....due too his overall condition right now, and if it doesn't improve by next week, the chemo can be stopped and the radiation can be continued alone......he is severly dehydrated, and not getting enough nutrients...which we kinda already figured. So today after chemo, he was given 2 liters of fluids thru his IV. They kept the IV in his arm because they are going to be giving him 3 liters of fluid Mon - Fri. So with that...means being there at the Cancer Center for around 6 hours every day...after radiation. :( Hey...but at least they got cable TV over there...ha ha. Ideally the doc said that they would put a feeding tube in for patients like this (losing weight, not eating/drinking) but due to the big guy that he is, it was a concern, so thats why he went with the daily hydration instead. I do believe that getting him hydrated is going to help tremendously. So as of today, I think he is maintaining somewhat and some of the pain is diminished. He is now on some long-acting pain meds, along with short-acting ones. He was also given a numbing agent for his mouth, which will help ease the pain while taking meds, drinking his daily Ensures that he needs, and so on.....

Today it was funny because he was kinda doped up on his meds, and was being kinda goofy...so that felt good to see his sense of humor, which I haven't seen in over 2 weeks. Of course he was dozing in and out, but at least it was there. He even took some "myspace" pics with me! ha ha. He kept wanting to re-take the pic cuz he didn't like the one I had already taken....so I know right there that was the med talking...cuz he normally doesn't care.....nor wanna take more than one pic! ha ha.....

So Family....extended Family...Church Family...and all you Friends across the states......stay positive! If anyone can handle this and get thru this...we know the big fella can. He's been thru too much in life to give up now. He's made it thru drugs, alcohol, living with 4 (or more) females under one roof, YEARS of working with youth, and a whole lot more...so this will definatley not bring him down, maybe make him weak for a while....but not bring him down completly....especially if we all stay strong for him!!!

Us taking our myspace pic....don't let this pic fool you...his face doesn't look that good. its really red...and dry....and scabbed.

"Real"ity Update

So about a month ago I wrote a note talking about how it wasn't real to me what was going on....well...things sure do change in 1 month...even 1 week. I was here for the first week of treatment, and things still weren't really that real to me what was going on....he was still fine...he was still the same ol' dad I saw every day.......but then I went home for a week and took care of my business, and boy did I seem to miss the next step. People...I tell ya...this Cancer is REAL, and its real to me now. I see it...I see the effects....I guess it can't get much more real. I talked to my mom like everyday last week when I was gone, and asked her how he was doing...how he was feeling, did he go to all his appointments...and all the usual questions of a concerned daughter.....and she answered all of it. And she told me what was going on and what not...and some of the changes that she had seen. Not that I didn't believe what she was saying....but because I didn't see for myself, I just brushed it off like it was nothing...and that when I saw him, it was gonna be the same, but I was wrong.

Friday night I drove Faith and I up here to stay the weekend, because the weekend before when he was still feeling fine, he told her that she could come stay the weekend and we would go to San Fran for the day. On the drive up I had the conversation with the 9 year old, "hey look, when we get there....if you see people in the halls, don't stare, they are sick, and its rude, so just make sure to just smile and say hi...don't stare whatever you do." She understood. Well...needless to say, we didn't see anyone on our way in to the apartment, but when I walked in...and saw my dad, and got close enough to see the red-pimple like rash all over his face, neck, and head.....I found myself staring!! I didn't expect that. Yeah, mom told me what she saw, but I didn't expect that. I could see the redness all over his face where the radiation has been hitting him, and the way he was talking or barely talking just made it real to me. I could see this with my own eyes, and witness it, and it was real.

Have you ever gotten a sore in your mouth, or ever bitten your tongue, or the side of your cheek, or perhaps a really bad sore throat? Do you remember how sore and tender each one of those gets? Well...imagine that, and then think of his WHOLE mouth feeling like that......I don't blame the guy for not wanting to eat, or talk, or make any kind of movement that will cause such pain.

Everyday since I've been here, it seems as tho he has gotten worse. Don't get me wrong, he's still up all day, walking around, watching tv, going online, playing playstation. He's not weak, he hasn't been overly tired, I'm just talking bout his pain in his mouth and the burn on his face. But you know what...its sad. I feel really bad for him. Just to look at his eyes and see his pain, and his discomfort, and wonder how he is feeling, or what he is thinking. Since I've been here he's gone from eating solid soft foods to drinking liquid through straws.....he keeps trying to try different food and think he can eat it, but he can't. He takes one bite, and thats it, can't take another. His face just gets redder and redder. Sores around his nose where his CPAP machine is breaking down the skin that is already being burnt by the radiation.

Tuesday he went and saw the doc before Chemo treatment, and we found out that he has lost MORE weight (27lbs total)....good right? Uh...not really. He lost another 10lbs this week.......in a week??? Thats from him not eating very much from his mouth being sore...allll bad. That means he's not going to get the nutrients he needs, and he's gonna get weak. His kidney function test is getting worse...that means he's not drinking enough fluids, and thats what scares me. I am more hoepful that he will get thru this cancer, but what I've wondered bout from the beginning, are his kidneys going to hold out thru this?? Wednesday we see the Kidney specialist, so hopefully they will have some idea to get thru this part.

Today we were told, "it will get worse before it gets better" How much worse can it get? Do I even want to ask that question...probably not. I guess we'll just wait it out and see. Easy for me to say...right dad?

So this is real, and there is nothing I can do about it. I don't want to think about how much worse it will get, or how much more pain he will have to go thru. The selfish part of me wants to just go home, and skip a few more steps and not see him go thru this, but how fair would that be? My parents have always been there for me, so I can't not be here for them. So here I am....Week 3, Day 3............

Following My Dreams

I feel like it has taken me forever to get here, but I guess it doesn't matter how long it took me, all that matters is that I got here, right where I wanted to be. I'm not like most people who got into Respiratory Therapy for the money, or because they couldn't get into Nursing School in a timely manner, I did it because its something I've wanted to do for, believe it or not, 20 years. When I was a young child I had a lot of Respiratory problems, so needless to say, I spent A LOT of time in the hospital struggling to breathe. I got to where I knew all the RT's at the hospital by name. So after spending so much time with them, and so much time learning to manage my health, Respiratory became a love of mine. From that point on I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I guess I finally grew up, becuase thats what I am now.

I got side-tracked for a few years and started Medical Assisting, and I loved that, I was still helping people, and I was still in the medical field, but I wasn't going to stop there, I was still going to follow my dream and become what I wanted to become. I took a 21 month course, got my Associates Degree in Occupational Science, took my State Board and am now a Certified Respiratory Care Practitioner. So I did it. I followed my dream, but I'm not done yet. Even though I haven't got a paying job yet, this past year while completing needed hours for school, I've learned so much, and have experienced more than I ever expected. I made people smile, I helped people breathe, I showed them compassion, I showed them sympathy, I've helped people by telling them I've been there I know how it feels, I've saved peoples lives, I've been there to comfort people, and their families, I've also been there when people have lost their lives, but its all been a life learning lesson for me.

It took me long enough to get here, but here I am, and I'm ready for the journey ahead. I followed my dream....and I'm going to be the best damn Respiratory Therapist EVER!

Day #3

Today was an easy day. Just radiation treatment. That took up about maybe 45 minutes of the day....and we napped the rest of the day. Ha ha. Rough huh dad? Well, I guess I should say Me and My Dad napped, and my mom was probably bored and no one to talk to, altho I guess she said something about me making funny noises in my sleep...hmmmm...don't know about that! ha ha. Well the week is half way over, only 2 more days of radiation and then he has completed week 1.

Day #2

Hey Everyone....

Today was a BIG day for us up here at Stanford. It was the second day of radiation...all went well. He also started Chemo. That was a loooong process...but it went well. Some good news about the chemo...we found out from the Doc that he won't get any of the usual side effects from it...such as nausea, vomitting, hair loss, etc. The only thing he should expect is a rash all over his face, neck and chest. Its kinda gonna be like acne. Oh goodie....it will make him feel like a teenage boy going thru puberty again. So the only side effects from all of this is what could be expected from the radiation....and that is a progressive thing, so about week 2 of it, he should start feeling it. I never really thought that sitting around doing nothing all day could wear a person out so much. We were at the Cancer center from 10:15a to 7p. Thats a whole lot of sitting around doing a whole lot of nothing. Oh wait...I mean that was a lot of good quality time with my parents! ha ha ha ha. Well thats all I can think of that went on today.

Day #1 of the Journey ahead....

Hey Everyone...just wanted to let you all know what is going on with my pops. Today was the first day of radiation, tomorrow the chemo starts. So now the journey begins, and the unknown is yet to come.

First day of radiation went well for him. During the treatment, he feels nothing. All he does is lay on the table, they strap his head down with his custom fitted mask to make sure he doesn't move. It takes like maybe 30 to 45 minutes, and thats it. Today took a little bit longer at the appointment because we had to meet with the doctor...and nurse to go over the skin care, and what to expect throughout this course and we were given tips and preventative things.

I can't decide if its a good thing or bad thing that we started asking the doctor more questions. It makes me a little bit more nervous now. The part that is unsettling is that when we ask what we should anticipate...as far as this radiation and chemo helping, and the answer we continue to get is "Well this is really an unusual case" So its like we aren't getting the answer we want to hear...and basically I feel its because they don't know. The docs make it sound like this type of cancer...and where he has it, and how unusual it looks...that they don't even know what is going to happen. They hope that the treatments will help...but they don't sound too convincing.....I hate to sound so negative about it, but its hard to keep a positive attitude about this! I want answers....I wanna know...but the thing is......only God knows what is going to happen. As my dad says, "We will take this one day at a time, its all we can do".....and I'm trying to keep that in mind.

I think what makes it worse is too see how nervous he is. When he gets nervous he gets excited about things and just wants to go go go go go, take care of this...take care of that. Its like he has all this adrenaline just running thru his veins and wiring him up....and thats how he was alllll day. I can also tell his nerves are working on him...cuz we went to Sizzler for dinner...and he only had ONE plate of salad...anyone that knows him....will find that unusual! ha ha.

Well...on a more positive note, God was really looking out for my parents on this one, they qualified to be put up in some apartment housing for a very low price. So that most definatley beats paying for a hotel 4 nights a week. This one bedroom apartment is perfect...and its theirs for 7 weeks. Its completly furnished.....full kitchen...comfy couch...aka my bed for the week! ha ha. Its got a tv with DVD and VCR...(i know...who uses those things anymore? ha ha) The only bad part is...but not complaining, no cable...no internet! ha ha. But.....they get the basic channels....thats all they need...plus they will bring some movies up here to watch....and we went to ATT today and bought one of those Aircards with a plan which gives them internet access where ever from the laptop.....hence the reason I'm sitting here blogging right now! ha ha
So tomorrow is a new day, we'll get up...go to radiation, and go see the chemo doc and he will get his first dose of chemo too. I'm sure all will go well. Side effects to any of these treatments don't happen right a way...its a progressive process....so ONE DAY AT A TIME...we'll do this!

Update

So here is the most recent update.We have been bombarded with appointment after appointment. He has had his CT Scan, PET scan, MRI scan, Echocardiogram, and has been fitted for the Radiation mask. Right now we are waiting for the Radiation start date, the results of the PET scan. I am not too concerned with the MRI or CT scans because those were mainly for the radiation planning. The PET scan is what we are really anxiously awaiting. Not knowing if the cancer has spread any where else is what I am most concerned with at this point. I know the doctors have got the reports, so in my mind I am going with the old saying "No news is good news". I'm trying to keep that positive thought going.So basically, the point of this update is to let everyone know that we have been on the ball with getting all the necessary tests done and now we just wait. As soon as we find out anything else, I will let you know.

One Day at A Time

So this week has been a little weird for me. When I first got the call from my mom and she told me that the biopsy came back and it showed cancer, it hit me right then like "oh my god, cancer? wow." And the tears just came pouring out. I couldn't help it. Cancer is serious. And the thought of my dad having cancer was not even what I expected. I kinda started to hyperventilate a little bit, I had to calm myself down. By the time I got a few phone calls made, I still cried every time I said the words, "they found out he DOES have cancer" I made it through the day, talked about it, and I was okay with it.

Two days later, I spent all day with my dad up at Stanford waiting around for PET scans and CT scans, and fasting because he had to for his test, so out of fairness I figured, he can't eat, I won't eat. I've told myself I'm gonna be there with him every step of the way thru all this. But then I got this attitude thinking, "eh, he's gonna get thru this, no prob" Altho, I can see it in his eyes that he is scared. He doesn't know what the treatment is going to do to him, he doesn't know if its even going to help, he doesn't know if this is what is going to kill him. We drove all the way up to Stanford and he barely said 10 words to me all day.

So the next day we went back up to Stanford to have the Tumor board of doctors talk to us about treatments, and the severity of this. I'm still being optimistic, even tho the doctors tell us the prognosis is fair, and that this is the worst kind of cancer, in the worst place to have it. They told us that this is aggressive and we need to treat it aggressively, no waiting. He can't tell us everything will be okay in the end. Chances of getting thru this and beating the cancer is a 50/50 chance. And one doc even told us "at least its not pancreatic cancer like Patrick Swayze has" Gee thats a positive thing...right? I still had the positive attitude, almost lost it when my mom was starting to get emotional and my dad reaches over and taps her leg and said "We need to take this one day at a time, thats all we can do"

Just when I thought I'd get a day to sleep in after heading up to Stanford 2 days in a row, we get a call to go back up there for him to get started with the planning for the radiation therapy. Dad came and knocked on my door telling me to get up and go with him, I could have easily said "no let me sleep" but I didn't! So, back on the road again, headed up there, he's in good spirits about things, I'm in good spirits.

So I'm sitting there in the Cancer Center waiting room, looking at all the "cancer patients" They look sick and weak. And thats when I realized it......I have this great attitude and think every thing is okay, because he's not sick. He's just the same ol' Marty he has been for years now. I finally realized thats why I have the optimistic attitude, because he's not sick yet.

Things I now know, and will admit to: I know this is serious, I know the odds are against him with everything he has wrong with his major organs in his body, I know this is going to be a long battle, I know there is a possibility that he may not make it thru this, I know that this selfish feeling I have inside of me, thinking that I don't want to lose my dad and want him around forever, will have to go away, I know everyone deals with these things differently, and I know that God has things under control. This isn't up to me, my mom, my family, my dad, the doctors, its up to God.

On our drive home from Standford, my dad and I talked, this is what he told me, "I've known for awhile that I wasn't going to live a long life, with everything wrong with me. I've lived a good life, I'm not afraid to die, just not knowing how I was going to die, was what bothered me, but now I know, this is what will kill me, but not anytime soon." He's strong! He knows he will make it through this treatment, he knows its going to be a long battle, but he also knows we need to take this ONE DAY AT A TIME, thats all we can do.

I know I'm going to take this one day at a time with him, and I will be there every step of the way. If I thought this week was rough because I didn't get my precious beauty sleep, thats just a taste of what we will be going through! There are going to be more and more days of me not sleeping in, or doing the things I want to do, because he's not going through this alone. He's my daddy and I'm gonna do EVERYTHING I can to make sure I'll keep him around as long as I want, because I'm not ready to lose him!!!!

Learning to Deal....

Yesterday I realized that the line of work I've chosen is gonna be tough at times. So far I haven't experienced what I've experienced today! The death of a child never makes any sense....even when it is a complete stranger. When I've seen adults or elderly people die...it doesn't effect me as much, because I think...well they've lived their life...but wow...when its a child....its hard to understand...they don't even know what life is about yet! I keep thinking well, I'll get used to it, but like my dad told me...."its not about getting used to it, cause you'll never get used to people dying, but its learning to deal with it."

So now I have to find my way to deal with it. I'm sure it gets easier...but this first experience with it, really was hard to deal with. I handled myself very professionally, but man, I was fighting back the tears! As soon as I got off work, and walked to my car......I finally was able to let those tears out. But then I ask myself...what for?...is this dumb to be crying over someone that I don't know, never seen before in my life...I'm supposed to be the strong one....but I guess I can't always be...gotta let my emotions show sometimes.I guess God just had better plans for him, there was a reason that he left the way that he did. I just pray that the family can get through this, and find their way to deal with it...just as I will have to find my way of dealing with things like this. Its never easy when we try so hard to keep someone alive, but they just don't make it....so now I just have to find my way to deal with watching people die, because I know its always going to happen.