Without Words....

I've been sitting here in tears for the past hour, thinking of writing a note...something I was always so good at...but I can't even put in to words how I feel right now. I can't explain my hurt and my pain. Everyone know how wonderful my dad was...so I guess I don't have to put it in words. I thought this was just a bad dream...but its not...its so real...and my dad is gone...I'll never have him to hug me, talk to me, teach me, yell at me, annoy me....all those things I loved about him!

MARTIN S. HASKINS

Martin Stuart Haskins went to be with his Lord and Savior on April 14th, 2009 in Hughson, after a battle with Cancer. Born in Tracy, CA October 8th, 1955, he lived in Manteca for 53 years. Marty is survived by his loving wife of 35 years, Judy. He was an amazing father of three daughters, Carla, Candi and Christy, all of Manteca. He is also survived by his brother, Don Haskins, of Manteca, and close cousin Barbara Watson, also of Manteca. He also leaves behind his father and mother in-law, Archie and Edna Peoples of Manteca, his brother in-laws Don Peoples and Jerry Oakes, sister in-laws, Carol Wynns, Penny Haskins, and Janice Peoples, as well as many nieces and nephews who will miss him dearly, but will always have great memories. Marty was employed at Con Agra Foods in Ceres, CA for 28 years. He was a member of the Carson Oaks Community Church of Stockton, where he recently retired from Youth Director. He devoted the past 18 years to serving the Lord by working locally and nationally in the youth ministry.Our family would like to express our sincere appreciation to the Alexander Cohen Hospice House of Hughson.Marty’s celebration of life service will be held on Saturday April 18th, 2009 at 2 p.m. at the Northgate Community Church, 650 Northgate Drive in Manteca.

04/14/09

Lately I've been thinking that its real funny how life works out. I've been caring for my dad since last October. I've been there just about everyday, by his side. But while doing that I've been trying to move forward with my career, and the next step to the rest of my life. The day after I found out I got my first job as a Respiratory Therapist, thats when we found out that his Cancer spread to his liver. And he just started declining from there. Last night I went to visit him before I came home tor prepare for my first day of work. And I pretty much felt like I was going to say goodbye to him, and that is exactly how it was. I told him before I left "daddy, I"m gonna go home now, gotta get some sleep, gotta start work tomorrow...finally...aren't you proud of me?" And I did get a move of his foot, which is how he had been responding to us. So I know he was proud of me. I feel like him leaving us this morning was him giving me the ok to move on. It was his way of saying, I no longer needed to take care of him, and I could move on with my career.

I love you daddy...and I would've took care of you forever!!!

04/08/09

Hey everyone. Thanks for the continuous thoughts and prayers. Dad is still hanging in there. He's having good days and bad days. Mostly he isn't in his right mind. The liver is just sending the toxins to his brain, and it makes him all crazy. Today we are moving him from the regular hospital to a Hospice House. He's not going to be here in town, so that is going to be different for us, because he's not just down the street or here in the other room. It will be okay tho. The hospice house is absolutley beautiful, and they really accomodate the families as well as the patient. At least this way he will be getting the real comfort care that he needs. These places specialize in making the end of life such a comfortable process. And right now that is all we are asking for, is for him to be COMFORTABLE AND PAIN FREE. It hurts to see him in so much pain, and being so restless. And the communication thing gets to me. The other day I was in visiting him and he wanted me to help him with something so bad, but the words wouldn't come out and I couldn't tell what he wanted, and I just broke down in tears. I have tried all this time not to cry in front of him, but I couldn't help it. I told him I just wanted to help him, but I didn't understand. And he saw the tears in my eyes and had me lean over, and he whispered, I know you are trying to help. And thats all I could do...was try to understand him, and it just doesn't always work that way. But at least he knows I'm trying. So hopefully him being at the hospice house, he will get the good care that he needs.Last night I had a good visit with him tho, he was awake, and talking fairly normal for about 20 minutes. It was a good visit...he even let me take a new pic of him.

04/03/09

Through these hard times, and the emotional roller coaster of dealing with losing a loved one, I've really come to learn how blessed my family is. As hard as it will be to lose my dad and no longer have him around to help guide me and teach me the ways of life, I'm constantly reminded of how great he is. I know I should be hurting, and feeling like its only my family that has to deal with what is to come, but thats not true. I find myself thinking of all the people who have been blessed to share the greatness of my dad with me. He has been such a BIG influence in sooooo many lives. He has had such a great testimony on how great God can be. My dad has played so many roles in so many lives. He has touched lives and led young hearts to Christ. When I really stop to think about it, he has been such a great influence to so many, that I find myself feeling bad for everyone who is losing such a great man. Its not just me and my family, its sooooo many more.

Last weekend at the ER when we thought we were going to lose him, I was so amazed at how many people showed up in the time of need. I walked out of the ER after about 30 minutes of being there, and just expected it to be a small amount of family gathered, waiting to see what was going on, but to my surprise there was a big group of people, waiting with tears in their eyes and hugging on one another, and everyone looked as tho they were losing someone special. Oh yeah...they were! He's a special guy.

At one point there were 32 people standing outside waiting to hear how he was doing, and waiting to go in and say their goodbyes. It was neat to hear the nurses and ER staff in there whispering and I heard this a few times, "wow...are all those people for the guy in room 10". How amazing is that?? I was proud. And a couple times I was asked, "Are those people all gathered out there, with you guys?" I proudly said "Yep, thats all for my dad. Didn't you know you had a celebrity on your hands?" (ha ha)

Then I start looking on here on facebook, and I see the love from across the nation leaving him messages on his page, and commenting on mine and my family's notes and status'. I am feeling the love. And its all because I have such a great dad. Not too many people I know can say that they have a father that is well known and well loved across the nation. So that makes me feel oh so blessed!

Even tho I'm going to miss my dad, I can honestly say that I feel at peace with knowing that he has had such an impact on so many lives and he has been such a good influence to many young people who needed him at some point in their lives. I can't tell you how many people have told us, "i wouldn't be where i am at, if it wasn't for Marty" So those words right there, are enough for me.

I know he is going to a better place, and I know that his work on earth is done. God is going to say to him, "Well done my good and faithful son"!

I have been questioning myself this week and wondering if I made the right choice this past weekend, when I pushed to get more time with him, and had the docs do what they can to keep him alive. Well, I didn't care whether it was for 2 days, or for 2 weeks, but I got that time. And I know God gave us that extra time, because there was things that were left unsaid, so we were given that second chance. God did it for a reason. Just like my dad has been telling me for quite some time now,

"I don't think God is putting me through this to teach ME anything, its to teach others something. I don't know what it is, or who it is, but I feel God is using me, and putting me thru this for others to learn." - Marty Haskins -

So as we go thru this next week or two, preparing for the hardest day ever, the day my dad will go home to meet Jesus, I will just keep thinking, of all the wonderful things he has taught, and all the lives he has touched, and the many more lessons that are being taught thru all this. I know I've learned a few things....so maybe it was me that God was teaching a lesson.............