Its almost over....

This past week was a big week, I was meaning to write an update sooner, but I was having issues with facebook. Earlier in the week was tough. Between the medications and lack of sleep, he was being quite delirous. It was really sad, and funny at the same time. After he took a trip out of the house on his own at 3 in the morning, I had to take the night shift and stay up to make sure I kept an eye on him so he didn't do anything like that again. That part was a lil bit scary.

On tuesday we saw the doctor, he decided to stop the Chemo therapy. He said that it has pushed him to the edge, and he didn't want it to push him over the edge. So since the chemo was what made the symptoms of raditation much worse, we were happy with that. The doc said that he was pleased with how many treatments of chemo that he actually was able to handle, he said most his patients don't usually handle that many. Also, the IV fluids that he was giving him DAILY the week before was helping. His lab work showed that his kidneys were functioning good, and that he was no longer dehydrated. So they cut that down to every other day, and less fluids. The only prob with that is that dad is supposed to drink at least a liter of fluid on his own, but that hasn't been happening. His mouth is still "on fire" and burns like crazy. There was one day where he was in so much pain he was refusing to go to treatment, we had to push him to go, and called the doc to ask what he can do, so they changed his pain meds around a little bit and that has helped tremendously!

On Thanksgiving day we didn't get to do the traditional thing. But just being together as a family was good enough. My sisters both came up there with us, and we took a drive to the coast. I figured since he couldn't have food, which he absolutley loves, then we could go to the second thing that he absolutley loves, the ocean. So that was a nice day, got him out of the apartment with no appointments or anything, we had a good time.

On Friday after his treatment, we came home for the weekend. On the way home we FINALLY found something that doesn't hurt him to drink. SWEET TEA from McD's. ha ha. I know it has a ton of sugar, but hey right now he isn't eating ANYTHING nor drinking anything, so as long as he can drink that, we are ok with it. On Saturday, we all went over to my Aunt's for a family Thanksgiving dinner. It kinda sucked cuz we all ate, and he didn't. It just hurts his mouth so much for any type of food to go in it. But at least he got to go over there and hang with the fam.

Today we are gettin ready to go back over to Palo Alto and start the LAST week of treatments! Well...technically this week, plus 1 day. He will have his last radiation treatment next monday. This weekend it seems like he has been doing great. His face is clearing up and looking ever so pretty! ha ha. It really is. All of you would be so shocked tho to see him WITHOUT A BEARD OR MUSTACHE! i have a bunch of pics...and later maybe he'll approve them to go on here, so you all can see. ha ha. The week before last he actually started experiencing the hair loss from the treatment, so this past week he decided to help it all out and just get rid of the facial hair.

I think this week is going to be a good week. Knowing that its the last week, plus he has been feel soooo much better. He has been sleeping well, and the pain meds are working like they should be. So please continue with the prayers! We love you all and thank you so much for all the support!

Its getting harder...

As our Tuesday is coming to an end...and Wednesday is approaching...this is the most recent status.

I drove up here today to spend the rest of the week with the parentals. The new plan that the doc gave him today is to continue Chemo along with the radiation for at least another week. And next tuesday he will decide if the Chemo will be continued....due too his overall condition right now, and if it doesn't improve by next week, the chemo can be stopped and the radiation can be continued alone......he is severly dehydrated, and not getting enough nutrients...which we kinda already figured. So today after chemo, he was given 2 liters of fluids thru his IV. They kept the IV in his arm because they are going to be giving him 3 liters of fluid Mon - Fri. So with that...means being there at the Cancer Center for around 6 hours every day...after radiation. :( Hey...but at least they got cable TV over there...ha ha. Ideally the doc said that they would put a feeding tube in for patients like this (losing weight, not eating/drinking) but due to the big guy that he is, it was a concern, so thats why he went with the daily hydration instead. I do believe that getting him hydrated is going to help tremendously. So as of today, I think he is maintaining somewhat and some of the pain is diminished. He is now on some long-acting pain meds, along with short-acting ones. He was also given a numbing agent for his mouth, which will help ease the pain while taking meds, drinking his daily Ensures that he needs, and so on.....

Today it was funny because he was kinda doped up on his meds, and was being kinda goofy...so that felt good to see his sense of humor, which I haven't seen in over 2 weeks. Of course he was dozing in and out, but at least it was there. He even took some "myspace" pics with me! ha ha. He kept wanting to re-take the pic cuz he didn't like the one I had already taken....so I know right there that was the med talking...cuz he normally doesn't care.....nor wanna take more than one pic! ha ha.....

So Family....extended Family...Church Family...and all you Friends across the states......stay positive! If anyone can handle this and get thru this...we know the big fella can. He's been thru too much in life to give up now. He's made it thru drugs, alcohol, living with 4 (or more) females under one roof, YEARS of working with youth, and a whole lot more...so this will definatley not bring him down, maybe make him weak for a while....but not bring him down completly....especially if we all stay strong for him!!!

Us taking our myspace pic....don't let this pic fool you...his face doesn't look that good. its really red...and dry....and scabbed.

"Real"ity Update

So about a month ago I wrote a note talking about how it wasn't real to me what was going on....well...things sure do change in 1 month...even 1 week. I was here for the first week of treatment, and things still weren't really that real to me what was going on....he was still fine...he was still the same ol' dad I saw every day.......but then I went home for a week and took care of my business, and boy did I seem to miss the next step. People...I tell ya...this Cancer is REAL, and its real to me now. I see it...I see the effects....I guess it can't get much more real. I talked to my mom like everyday last week when I was gone, and asked her how he was doing...how he was feeling, did he go to all his appointments...and all the usual questions of a concerned daughter.....and she answered all of it. And she told me what was going on and what not...and some of the changes that she had seen. Not that I didn't believe what she was saying....but because I didn't see for myself, I just brushed it off like it was nothing...and that when I saw him, it was gonna be the same, but I was wrong.

Friday night I drove Faith and I up here to stay the weekend, because the weekend before when he was still feeling fine, he told her that she could come stay the weekend and we would go to San Fran for the day. On the drive up I had the conversation with the 9 year old, "hey look, when we get there....if you see people in the halls, don't stare, they are sick, and its rude, so just make sure to just smile and say hi...don't stare whatever you do." She understood. Well...needless to say, we didn't see anyone on our way in to the apartment, but when I walked in...and saw my dad, and got close enough to see the red-pimple like rash all over his face, neck, and head.....I found myself staring!! I didn't expect that. Yeah, mom told me what she saw, but I didn't expect that. I could see the redness all over his face where the radiation has been hitting him, and the way he was talking or barely talking just made it real to me. I could see this with my own eyes, and witness it, and it was real.

Have you ever gotten a sore in your mouth, or ever bitten your tongue, or the side of your cheek, or perhaps a really bad sore throat? Do you remember how sore and tender each one of those gets? Well...imagine that, and then think of his WHOLE mouth feeling like that......I don't blame the guy for not wanting to eat, or talk, or make any kind of movement that will cause such pain.

Everyday since I've been here, it seems as tho he has gotten worse. Don't get me wrong, he's still up all day, walking around, watching tv, going online, playing playstation. He's not weak, he hasn't been overly tired, I'm just talking bout his pain in his mouth and the burn on his face. But you know what...its sad. I feel really bad for him. Just to look at his eyes and see his pain, and his discomfort, and wonder how he is feeling, or what he is thinking. Since I've been here he's gone from eating solid soft foods to drinking liquid through straws.....he keeps trying to try different food and think he can eat it, but he can't. He takes one bite, and thats it, can't take another. His face just gets redder and redder. Sores around his nose where his CPAP machine is breaking down the skin that is already being burnt by the radiation.

Tuesday he went and saw the doc before Chemo treatment, and we found out that he has lost MORE weight (27lbs total)....good right? Uh...not really. He lost another 10lbs this week.......in a week??? Thats from him not eating very much from his mouth being sore...allll bad. That means he's not going to get the nutrients he needs, and he's gonna get weak. His kidney function test is getting worse...that means he's not drinking enough fluids, and thats what scares me. I am more hoepful that he will get thru this cancer, but what I've wondered bout from the beginning, are his kidneys going to hold out thru this?? Wednesday we see the Kidney specialist, so hopefully they will have some idea to get thru this part.

Today we were told, "it will get worse before it gets better" How much worse can it get? Do I even want to ask that question...probably not. I guess we'll just wait it out and see. Easy for me to say...right dad?

So this is real, and there is nothing I can do about it. I don't want to think about how much worse it will get, or how much more pain he will have to go thru. The selfish part of me wants to just go home, and skip a few more steps and not see him go thru this, but how fair would that be? My parents have always been there for me, so I can't not be here for them. So here I am....Week 3, Day 3............

Following My Dreams

I feel like it has taken me forever to get here, but I guess it doesn't matter how long it took me, all that matters is that I got here, right where I wanted to be. I'm not like most people who got into Respiratory Therapy for the money, or because they couldn't get into Nursing School in a timely manner, I did it because its something I've wanted to do for, believe it or not, 20 years. When I was a young child I had a lot of Respiratory problems, so needless to say, I spent A LOT of time in the hospital struggling to breathe. I got to where I knew all the RT's at the hospital by name. So after spending so much time with them, and so much time learning to manage my health, Respiratory became a love of mine. From that point on I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I guess I finally grew up, becuase thats what I am now.

I got side-tracked for a few years and started Medical Assisting, and I loved that, I was still helping people, and I was still in the medical field, but I wasn't going to stop there, I was still going to follow my dream and become what I wanted to become. I took a 21 month course, got my Associates Degree in Occupational Science, took my State Board and am now a Certified Respiratory Care Practitioner. So I did it. I followed my dream, but I'm not done yet. Even though I haven't got a paying job yet, this past year while completing needed hours for school, I've learned so much, and have experienced more than I ever expected. I made people smile, I helped people breathe, I showed them compassion, I showed them sympathy, I've helped people by telling them I've been there I know how it feels, I've saved peoples lives, I've been there to comfort people, and their families, I've also been there when people have lost their lives, but its all been a life learning lesson for me.

It took me long enough to get here, but here I am, and I'm ready for the journey ahead. I followed my dream....and I'm going to be the best damn Respiratory Therapist EVER!