Day #3

Today was an easy day. Just radiation treatment. That took up about maybe 45 minutes of the day....and we napped the rest of the day. Ha ha. Rough huh dad? Well, I guess I should say Me and My Dad napped, and my mom was probably bored and no one to talk to, altho I guess she said something about me making funny noises in my sleep...hmmmm...don't know about that! ha ha. Well the week is half way over, only 2 more days of radiation and then he has completed week 1.

Day #2

Hey Everyone....

Today was a BIG day for us up here at Stanford. It was the second day of radiation...all went well. He also started Chemo. That was a loooong process...but it went well. Some good news about the chemo...we found out from the Doc that he won't get any of the usual side effects from it...such as nausea, vomitting, hair loss, etc. The only thing he should expect is a rash all over his face, neck and chest. Its kinda gonna be like acne. Oh goodie....it will make him feel like a teenage boy going thru puberty again. So the only side effects from all of this is what could be expected from the radiation....and that is a progressive thing, so about week 2 of it, he should start feeling it. I never really thought that sitting around doing nothing all day could wear a person out so much. We were at the Cancer center from 10:15a to 7p. Thats a whole lot of sitting around doing a whole lot of nothing. Oh wait...I mean that was a lot of good quality time with my parents! ha ha ha ha. Well thats all I can think of that went on today.

Day #1 of the Journey ahead....

Hey Everyone...just wanted to let you all know what is going on with my pops. Today was the first day of radiation, tomorrow the chemo starts. So now the journey begins, and the unknown is yet to come.

First day of radiation went well for him. During the treatment, he feels nothing. All he does is lay on the table, they strap his head down with his custom fitted mask to make sure he doesn't move. It takes like maybe 30 to 45 minutes, and thats it. Today took a little bit longer at the appointment because we had to meet with the doctor...and nurse to go over the skin care, and what to expect throughout this course and we were given tips and preventative things.

I can't decide if its a good thing or bad thing that we started asking the doctor more questions. It makes me a little bit more nervous now. The part that is unsettling is that when we ask what we should anticipate...as far as this radiation and chemo helping, and the answer we continue to get is "Well this is really an unusual case" So its like we aren't getting the answer we want to hear...and basically I feel its because they don't know. The docs make it sound like this type of cancer...and where he has it, and how unusual it looks...that they don't even know what is going to happen. They hope that the treatments will help...but they don't sound too convincing.....I hate to sound so negative about it, but its hard to keep a positive attitude about this! I want answers....I wanna know...but the thing is......only God knows what is going to happen. As my dad says, "We will take this one day at a time, its all we can do".....and I'm trying to keep that in mind.

I think what makes it worse is too see how nervous he is. When he gets nervous he gets excited about things and just wants to go go go go go, take care of this...take care of that. Its like he has all this adrenaline just running thru his veins and wiring him up....and thats how he was alllll day. I can also tell his nerves are working on him...cuz we went to Sizzler for dinner...and he only had ONE plate of salad...anyone that knows him....will find that unusual! ha ha.

Well...on a more positive note, God was really looking out for my parents on this one, they qualified to be put up in some apartment housing for a very low price. So that most definatley beats paying for a hotel 4 nights a week. This one bedroom apartment is perfect...and its theirs for 7 weeks. Its completly furnished.....full kitchen...comfy couch...aka my bed for the week! ha ha. Its got a tv with DVD and VCR...(i know...who uses those things anymore? ha ha) The only bad part is...but not complaining, no cable...no internet! ha ha. But.....they get the basic channels....thats all they need...plus they will bring some movies up here to watch....and we went to ATT today and bought one of those Aircards with a plan which gives them internet access where ever from the laptop.....hence the reason I'm sitting here blogging right now! ha ha
So tomorrow is a new day, we'll get up...go to radiation, and go see the chemo doc and he will get his first dose of chemo too. I'm sure all will go well. Side effects to any of these treatments don't happen right a way...its a progressive process....so ONE DAY AT A TIME...we'll do this!

Update

So here is the most recent update.We have been bombarded with appointment after appointment. He has had his CT Scan, PET scan, MRI scan, Echocardiogram, and has been fitted for the Radiation mask. Right now we are waiting for the Radiation start date, the results of the PET scan. I am not too concerned with the MRI or CT scans because those were mainly for the radiation planning. The PET scan is what we are really anxiously awaiting. Not knowing if the cancer has spread any where else is what I am most concerned with at this point. I know the doctors have got the reports, so in my mind I am going with the old saying "No news is good news". I'm trying to keep that positive thought going.So basically, the point of this update is to let everyone know that we have been on the ball with getting all the necessary tests done and now we just wait. As soon as we find out anything else, I will let you know.

One Day at A Time

So this week has been a little weird for me. When I first got the call from my mom and she told me that the biopsy came back and it showed cancer, it hit me right then like "oh my god, cancer? wow." And the tears just came pouring out. I couldn't help it. Cancer is serious. And the thought of my dad having cancer was not even what I expected. I kinda started to hyperventilate a little bit, I had to calm myself down. By the time I got a few phone calls made, I still cried every time I said the words, "they found out he DOES have cancer" I made it through the day, talked about it, and I was okay with it.

Two days later, I spent all day with my dad up at Stanford waiting around for PET scans and CT scans, and fasting because he had to for his test, so out of fairness I figured, he can't eat, I won't eat. I've told myself I'm gonna be there with him every step of the way thru all this. But then I got this attitude thinking, "eh, he's gonna get thru this, no prob" Altho, I can see it in his eyes that he is scared. He doesn't know what the treatment is going to do to him, he doesn't know if its even going to help, he doesn't know if this is what is going to kill him. We drove all the way up to Stanford and he barely said 10 words to me all day.

So the next day we went back up to Stanford to have the Tumor board of doctors talk to us about treatments, and the severity of this. I'm still being optimistic, even tho the doctors tell us the prognosis is fair, and that this is the worst kind of cancer, in the worst place to have it. They told us that this is aggressive and we need to treat it aggressively, no waiting. He can't tell us everything will be okay in the end. Chances of getting thru this and beating the cancer is a 50/50 chance. And one doc even told us "at least its not pancreatic cancer like Patrick Swayze has" Gee thats a positive thing...right? I still had the positive attitude, almost lost it when my mom was starting to get emotional and my dad reaches over and taps her leg and said "We need to take this one day at a time, thats all we can do"

Just when I thought I'd get a day to sleep in after heading up to Stanford 2 days in a row, we get a call to go back up there for him to get started with the planning for the radiation therapy. Dad came and knocked on my door telling me to get up and go with him, I could have easily said "no let me sleep" but I didn't! So, back on the road again, headed up there, he's in good spirits about things, I'm in good spirits.

So I'm sitting there in the Cancer Center waiting room, looking at all the "cancer patients" They look sick and weak. And thats when I realized it......I have this great attitude and think every thing is okay, because he's not sick. He's just the same ol' Marty he has been for years now. I finally realized thats why I have the optimistic attitude, because he's not sick yet.

Things I now know, and will admit to: I know this is serious, I know the odds are against him with everything he has wrong with his major organs in his body, I know this is going to be a long battle, I know there is a possibility that he may not make it thru this, I know that this selfish feeling I have inside of me, thinking that I don't want to lose my dad and want him around forever, will have to go away, I know everyone deals with these things differently, and I know that God has things under control. This isn't up to me, my mom, my family, my dad, the doctors, its up to God.

On our drive home from Standford, my dad and I talked, this is what he told me, "I've known for awhile that I wasn't going to live a long life, with everything wrong with me. I've lived a good life, I'm not afraid to die, just not knowing how I was going to die, was what bothered me, but now I know, this is what will kill me, but not anytime soon." He's strong! He knows he will make it through this treatment, he knows its going to be a long battle, but he also knows we need to take this ONE DAY AT A TIME, thats all we can do.

I know I'm going to take this one day at a time with him, and I will be there every step of the way. If I thought this week was rough because I didn't get my precious beauty sleep, thats just a taste of what we will be going through! There are going to be more and more days of me not sleeping in, or doing the things I want to do, because he's not going through this alone. He's my daddy and I'm gonna do EVERYTHING I can to make sure I'll keep him around as long as I want, because I'm not ready to lose him!!!!